Communication Assignment: Translating Shakespeare
Our first part of the assignment was to translate a Shakespeare piece into modern English then turn that into something from our imagination. The fun part was acting it out :) Our group took a turn for the worst though when it came to translating the script into something fun...
We started off by voting what the genre would be and it came out to be sci-fi, the group basically got muddled because the leader didn't explain to everyone what we were doing or how it should be done. I advised some people to think of Star Wars quotes and put them into the verses as I had no idea what to do and neither did the leader in the end. Near the end of the lesson I decided to take control as everyone was annoyed we had wasted a good amount of time on something that nobody grasped. Sitting everyone down I said why don't we just make funny quotes as we go along and reference it to games, anime and other funny things we all know about or can understand so the team agreed and line by line we started making it funny. However things started going wrong again as we were to present in 5 minutes but luckily Pete said we can go last, then someone in the group just left leaving the rest of us to do it. Another didn't want to work as they were 'too annoyed' about the situation and other people just started doing other things. To be honest it was a really poor effort from the other people as by the end of the lesson only one guy and myself were still working on the script.
As we had only got one page done and nobody wanted to work on it, I took it upon myself and worked on all 6-7 pages for everyone, changing it hopefully into something else. When presented to Pete, he said it was really, really good which made me extremely happily as it was mainly my work that got everyone through that assignment :)
Anyways here is the script:
Thesus and Hippolyta
enter with Philostrate and others.
Thesus
Our wedding day is almost here, my beautiful Hippo. We’ll be
getting married in four days, on the day of the new moon- before the breaking
dawn. The Twilight fangirls is keeping me from getting what I want, just like
Edward Cullen.
Hippolyta
No, you’ll see, four days will quickly turn into four nights
and more novels. Finally at the new moon, curved like a silver bow in the sky,
will look down on our wedding celebration.
Thesus
Go, Philostrate, get the young people of Athens ready to
party!
Philostrate exits
Thesus
Hippo, I woo-hooed you with fangs using my good looks, but
I’ll marry you under Twilight- with extravagant festivals, public festivities,
and Justin Beiber.
EGEUS enters with his
daughter HERMIA and LYSANDER and DEMETRIUS.
Egues
Long live Thesus, our famous and sparkling duke!
Thesus
Thank god Egeus. What’s up with you?
Egeus
I’m here, full of anger, to daughter Hermia. My lord, this
man, Demetrius
(someone throw shredded paper over Matt when doing the Major
Armstrong pose)
Has my permission to marry her, but this other man Lysander,
has cast a magic spell over child’s inheritance. You Lysander, you’ve given my
underage daughter vodka and a work permit. You’ve pretended to be in love with
her, singing fake love songs by Taylor Swift. You’ve captured her attention
with a bargin bucket and an onion ring. You’ve stolen my daughter’s inheritance
and made the government happy, if she doesn’t agree to out terms of matrimony,
as she belongs to me I can do what I want with her- as the law says: I can
either make her marry Demetrius or make her work in Poundland.
Thesus
What do you have to say for yourself Hermia? You should
think of your father as a god, since he’s the one who gave you your inheritance
*ahem* sorry I meant beauty. To him you’re like a fine picnic (mumble next
part) only a few sandwiches short- but Demetrius is an admirable man.
Hermia
So is Lysander
Thesus
You’re right, Lysander’s *cough* admirable *cough* too. But
since your father doesn’t want him to marry you, you’ll have to consider
employment option.
Hermia
I wish my father could see them with my eyes, but then again
he’s a blind old bat anyway.
Thesus
I beg your pardon?
Hermia
Your grace, please forgive me. I don’t know what makes me
think I can say this, and I don’t know if speaking my mind to such a powerful
and noble person as you will damage my reputation for modesty. But, tell me are
there other employment options if I were to refuse pondland?
Thesus
You’ll either be executed or you’ll never see another man
again. So think carefully about what you want. Consider how young you are, and
question your feelings. Then decide whether you could stand to be a fan-girl?
Living your entire life without a husband or children, weakly chanting
obsessing over characters and forever shipping them into ridiculous pairings,
until one day you’ll turn to the dark side-
Hermia
I’d rather become a yaoi fan-girl, than give up my life to
someone I don’t love.
Thesus
Take some time to think about this. By the time of the next
breaking dawn- the day when Hippo and I will be married- be ready either to be
working at poundland, to marry Demetrius as your father wishes, or to take a
vow to spend the rest of your life as a fangirl-
Hermia
But I’m already a fangirl!
Demetrius
Please give in sweet Hermia, and Lysander stop acting like
she’s yours. I’ve got more of a right to her than you do!
Lysander
Her father loves you Demetrius. So why don’t you marry him
and let me have Hermia?
HELENA shortly enters.
Helena
I’ll ship that!
HELENA quickly leaves
Egeus
It’s true, you pompous joke for a man, I do love and respect
him. That’s why I’m giving my daughter, she’s mine… and her inheritance.
Lysander
My lord, I’m just as noble and rich as it (points to
Demetrius), My prospects are as good as his, if not better and beautiful Hermia
loves me- which is more important than all those other things you seem to brag
about. Anyways what is wrong with Demetrius loving Helena, that poor sweet Helena
as she adores this… this…horrible, unfaithful man.
Thesus
I have to admit I’ve heard something about that, meant to
ask Demetrius about it but I was too busy with personal matters and it slipped
my mind. Anyways Demetrius and Egeus, both of you come with me; I want to say a
few things in private. As for you Hermia get ready to marry, die or become a
sickly obsessive fan-girl. Hippo walk with me my…my….well never mind there are
also some wedding options I need to discuss as well as have a private session
with you.
Egeus
We’re following you not only because it is our duty but
because we want to.
Lysander
What’s going on my love? Why are you so pale? Why have your
rosy cheeks faded so quickly?
Hermia
Probably because my mind has turned to the pairing of you
and Demetrius (does a quick dance)
Lysander
Oh honey! In manga they say true love always faces
obstacles. Either lovers are of the same sex, dress up in lolitas or are
bronys. Then there’s the harem-
Hermia
Oh what an obstacle that would be! Imagine being too high on
the social ladder and falling in love with someone beneath you…life fanfiction.
Lysander
Or else they were very different ages-
Hermia
How awful! Being too old to marry someone young
Lysander
Or else their guardians and advisors said no-
Hermia
What hell! To have your love life determined by someone
else!
Lysander
Or even if the lovers are a good match, their love might be
ruined by war, death, famine and disease-
Hermia
Yeah if you live in Darksiders
Lysander
Their time together might be as fleeting as a shadow or as
short as a dream , lasting as long as it takes a lightning bolt to flash across
the sky.
Hermia
What is this? Kid I Carus?
Lysander
Before you can say ‘hey look, listen!’
Hermia
Oh ok Zelda then?
Lysander
It’s gone. That’s how intense things like love are quickly
destroyed
Hermia
If true lovers are always thwarted, then it must be a rule
of fate. So let’s try to be patient as we deal with our problem. It’s as normal
a part of love as dreams, sighs, wishes and tears.
Lysander
That’s the right attitude!
HELENA appears
Helena
No Kingdom Hearts!
Lysander
So listen Hermia, I have an aunt who is a widow, who’s very
rich and doesn’t have any children, she lives about twenty miles from Athens
and she thinks of me as a son. I could marry you there gentle Hermia, where
strict laws of Athens can’t touch us. So here’s the plan if you love me, sneak
out of your father’s house tomorrow night and meet me in a forest a few miles
outside of town. You remember the place- I met you there once with Helena to
celebrate May Day. I’ll wait for you there.
Hermia
Oh Lysander, I swear I’ll be there tomorrow. I swear by
Link’s strongest bow and his best gold-tipped arrow, by the Goddess of Hylia’s
innocent Loftwings, by everything that ties lovers together, by bonfire where
Princess Zelda burned herself to death when her pet Navi wouldn’t shut up. I
give you my word; I will meet you at that spot.
Lysander
Keep your promise, my love. Look, here comes Helena again.
HELENA enters
Hermia
Hello beautiful Helena! Where are you going?
Helena
Did you just call me ‘beautiful’? Take it back. You’re the
beautiful one as far as Demetrius is concerned. Oh you’re so lucky! Your eyes
are like stars and your voice is more captivating than a shooting star
illuminating the sky. Sickness is contagious- I wish beauty were contagious
too! I would catch your good looks before I left. Everything you do makes
Demetrius crave your attentions, I’d give it all up- everything except
Demetrius that is, teach me your secrets you used to make Demetrius fall in
love with you.
Hermia
I frown at him, but he still loves me
Helena
Oh, if only my smiles could inspire love as effectively as
your frowns
Hermia
I curse him, but he loves me
Helena
If only my prayers could inspire that kind of affection!
Hermia
The more I hate him, the more he follows me around
Helena
The more I love him, the more he hates me
Hermia
For God’s sake Helena! Are you just going to carry on like
some whittling fangirl, as she eats Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream waiting for the
next Sasuke x Naruto moment?
Helena
No... Itachi belongs with Naruto- just like I do with
Demetrius.
Hermia
Don’t worry. He won’t see my face ever again. Lysander and I
are running away from here. Before I saw Lysander, Athens seemed like paradise
to me. But Lysander’s so attractive that he’s turned heaven into hell.
Helena
Really? Darksiders?
Lysander
Helena, we’ll tell you about our secret plan. Tomorrow when
the moon shines on the water and vampires become sparkly, we plan to sneak out
Athens.
Helena
Sure you do
Hermia
In the woods where you and I used to lounge around on the
pale primroses, telling each other sweet secrets- that’s where Lysander and I
will meet. From then on we’ll turn our backs on Athens. We’ll look for new
friends and keep company of strangers. Goodbye old friend. Pray for us and I
hope you win over Demetrius! Keep your promise Lysander, we need to sat away
from each other until midnight tomorrow.
Lysander
I will, my Hermia
HERMIA exits
Lysander
Goodbye Helena, I hope Demetrius comes to love you as much
as you do Naruto pairings.
LYSANDER exits
Helena
It’s amazing how much happier some people are than others!
People throughout Athens think I’m beautiful as Hermia. But so what? Demetrius
doesn’t think so and that’s all that matters. He refuses to admit what everyone
else knows, but even though he’s making a mistake by obsessing over Hermia so
much, but I’m also making a mistake since I obsess over him. Love can make
worthless things beautiful. When we’re in love, we don’t see with our eyes but
with our minds, and love doesn’t have good judgement either. Pit has wings and
no …well he’s still a child, so he’s bound to be reckless and hasty, just as
boys like to play games by telling lies. Pit breaks his promises all the time,
before Demetrius ever seen Hermia he showered me with promises and swore he’d
been mine forever.
Dear lord where the heck did I put that ice-cream bucket and
rope?
HELENA exits
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